my boy's conscience

Usually when we come home, Sophia yells out "hello?" and the kids will come downstairs to see which one of us is home. Then we chat a little bit about the day with Teresa and then get lots of hugs and kisses from the kids. One day last week, I came home and Sophia was her usually cheery self, but I noticed that Nicholas was unusually quiet. I asked him how his day was and he said it was ok. He stayed on the floor and didn't really say much. A little while later, he was still quiet and I asked him to come give me some love and asked him if something happened at school. He nodded yes but said he didn't want to tell me. I told him he wasn't going to get in trouble for telling me, but that I couldn't help him feel better unless he told me. He still didn't say anything.

Fast forward to bedtime and as we were saying good night, he said he wanted to tell us, but that he didn't want to hear it. He put his hands over his ears and then had Greg put his hands over Nicholas's hands. After a few minutes of saying that he could still hear himself, he finally told us that some of his friends were not being nice to him at school. He said he was on the playground and a few of his good friends had come up to him and he told them that he wanted to be alone. He said that his friends then said, well, maybe we should sit next to you since you're being mean. I asked Nicholas if he had been mean or if he said something that was not nice to them. He hesitated and then finally nodded his head yes. We explained to him that if he ever wants to be left alone, he should just tell him friends nicely and that under no circumstance was he ever to be mean to anyone. We asked him what he does when he wants Sophia to leave him alone. He said he goes to his room or walks away from her for a little bit. We explained to him that if he wants to play alone for a little while, he should just tell his friends and then just walk away for a little bit and then come back when he was ready to play with them again. He said ok and said he felt better for telling us.

Then yesterday, something similar happened. When I came home, Nicholas was again unusually quiet. He was quiet all through dinner and bath. He and Sophia are usually really loud and goofy during bathtime. I kept asking him if he was ok and he just said yes. After they got ready for bed, we all got into our bed and he read a book to me for a little while. (By the way, he is getting SO good at reading on his own...). Anyway, I told Greg when he came home that Nicholas was being quiet, but it seemed like by the time he went to bed, he seemed a little more cheerful.

Tonight, Greg told me that Nicholas told him what was buggging him yesterday. Nicholas had apparently taken a couple of his small bulldozers to school with him--probably a couple of his Matchbox cars. I guess he was playing with them on the playground, which I guess is also against the rules, so his teacher, Mrs. Avila told him not to and had him put them away. But then at the end of the day, she let him play with them. He felt bad that he had done something that was against the rules.

As Greg and I were talking about these incidents, we commented on how lucky we were to have a kid who had such a big conscience. It makes me a little sad to know that these small things had weighed so heavily on my boy and how he must have felt bad about them. At the same time, it gives me some reassurance that despite the fact that our kids never came with instructions, we must have done something right along the way.