it's a ...

When we told the kids about the baby, they each had an opinion about what it should be. Sophia was first to say that she wanted a baby sister. Nicholas said he already had a baby sister, so he would prefer a baby brother. Then Nicholas said, "well, maybe it's twins and we could have one of each." Having had an ultrasound at that point, we assured him that we were not having twins.

Today was the day we were having a 20-week ultrasound and finding out what gender the baby was. Sophia said this morning that she wanted a baby brother. Then she said, "actually, I want a baby sister." I said to her, well, what if it's a boy? She said, "no, I want a baby sister."

After we dropped off Sophia at school, I was driving Nicholas over to a friend's house and asked him, "well, what do you think? Boy or girl?" He said, "well, I want a boy and a girl. But I've been wishing really hard everyday for a boy."

It's no secret that I have always wanted Sophia to have a sister. Don't get me wrong. I love my brother and I can't imagine having had my family any other way. But there is a special bond and relationship between sisters. I'm not saying that it was always great and we got along every second of our existence. In fact, we spent many of our childhood days fighting. Well, me fighting and making her life miserable and her putting up with it most of the time. She had to drag me along to everything and when I was in sixth grade, I even called up a boy named Tyler in her class and told him that she liked him. Honestly, at times, I was just rotten. But as we grew up, I just wanted to be like her and when I was mad at her, it was usually because I felt like I was never as good as she was. Never as good in school, in piano, everything. She got into Yale and I didn't. Not that University of Chicago is bad by any stretch of the imagination. I suppose if I didn't go to the U of C, I would have never met Greg and I wouldn't be writing this entry today.

Well, I had hoped for another girl, partly because I wanted Sophia to have a little sister that she could be love as much as my sister loves me. And partly because I didn't want to have to buy clothes for a summer baby boy since Nicholas was a winter baby. And also because I'm not sure I would be up for a fourth baby and a fourth c-section. Each pregnancy has taken a bigger toll on me physically and mentally and I want to be all I can for each of my children.

Anyway, if you've read this far, good for you. And if you scroll down to the last paragraph, you're a smart one to skip my blabber-blather.

Sorry, Nicholas. Looks like you'll be getting another sister. I know you'll be a bit disappointed now, but I also know you'll be so excited when she arrives and couldn't imagine things any other way.